October 18, 2015 § Leave a comment

What if people are assholes to each other all the time but you didn’t notice because you’re a relatively good looking female who receives nothing but hugs, kisses, and kindness because men want to sleep with you? What if your entire life has basically been one long, oblivious frolic through the sunshine of social privilege and it never occurred to you that most people have a very different experience?

What if the reason people treat you so badly on youtube is because nobody pays deference to you here like they would in real life, since nobody is going to be sleeping with you? Could it be that, without the potential carrot of your sexual attention, nobody really has any incentive to listen to your prattling on and on and on and on about nothing?

It’s just a theory.

Speaking of relationship lies, women tend to orgasm easier when you treat them like garbage. “Treat women like disposable jizz towels” would have been better advice.

Did you ever notice that you complain about the very traits that you find attractive? If you weren’t complaining about the guy, you wouldn’t even notice him at all. I realize you probably won’t catch on to this particular quirk in your extremely typical female psychology for another 20 or 30 years, if ever, but most men catch on to this pretty quickly. If they don’t and actually take what you say seriously or attempt to avoid doing those things you endlessly whine about, they quickly discover that this makes them unattractive and boring to women.

See, the problem is that the very traits that would make a guy a good and trustworthy partner also displace what makes him appealing to your hunter gatherer baboon sexuality that is still fossilized in 20,000 BC when sociopathic douchebags monopolized most of the women in the tribe while all the other suckers clawed each other’s eyes out competing to ride his coattails.

So, really, the greatest relationship lie of all is that women mean what they say about what they want out of relationships. If they complain about it, they’re attracted to it. My hunch is that any guy dating you should probably aspire to be the one who makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and at any moment will lose his love, yeah?

As a wise man once said, “don’t listen to what women say, watch what they do.”

Also, please don’t ever say “heteronormative” again. Thanks.

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