response to amy young

September 4, 2015 § Leave a comment

Most women don’t find “the right guys” sexually attractive, even if they and society thinks they should. That’s the whole problem in a nutshell.

The sad truth is that a lot of guys you think are the wrong guys are only behaving that way because they figured out that if they don’t, they face pretty devastating social consequences, like being ignored, resented, divorce raped, friend zoned, used, treated like a doormat or emotional tampon, and so on. So it is not true that the big bad menz manipulate and use women because of patriarchal male privilege. It is more often the case that those men behave that way because women have left them no other reasonable option. And this assumes those men are even capable of adopting or affecting those traits women seem to respond to. Many men aren’t capable of it at all nor do they even find them desirable or valuable.

After all, why do you think it is that so many men would complain about “women only liking douchebags and assholes?” If men are predisposed to be assholes and privileged douchebags, as feminists claim, then why wouldn’t men be happy about the fact that women seem to respond most favorably to these men? Consider this the next time feminists demonize “nice guys” and blather about “sexual entitlement.”

Nobody chooses their sexual inclinations, just as nobody chooses their sexual orientation. So if women don’t find a particular guy sexually attractive, then that is how it is and there isn’t much that can be done about it other than men attempting to adopt whatever male role it is that women seem to want and expect. It’s not even clear that it is fair to ask women to attempt to change this if sexuality resists reason and cultural or moral convention because it has a biological root which is not chosen.  How different is it from demonizing and criticising homosexuality and concluding that gays should attempt to deprogram at Jesus camp?

If we tried to pop the hood on a cultural convention like slut shaming, I suspect what we would find is that its real origins are in previous generation’s attempts to deal with the problem of a female heterosexuality which privileges male traits and behaviors that are out of step with what is necessary for a civil society. To be sure, on its face, slut shaming seems to simply be about our anxieties about female promiscuity, but I’m willing to bet that men’s real investment in it was more about criticizing the kind of men women seemed to respond to, not the number of them. And in that respect, I doubt it is much different than women resenting other women for being more sexually attractive than them and stoking their insecurities.

Maybe the answer is just for women to come clean about the fact that they find sociopathic douchebags to be sexually attractive and be done with it. As depressing as such a set of gender norms is bound to be, it would be far more coherent and probably a lot less damaging to men if we stopped lying to them about what women actually want and expect of them.

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